Mom refusing cancer treatment..idk what to think or do?
It's been a week since I found out my mother has cancer, she's know for weeks now and didn't tell a soul until last Sunday night. I believe she wouldn't even had told me if it wasn't for the big fight my parents had (different subject-they're separating 'finally' after years of fighting). At first I broke down..after she said 'cancer' my mind went everywhere and at last to her life and my siblings lives whom will be affected the most. Just talking about it breaks my heart..everytime I hear that word..it makes me..so sad..I've always been a depressing person..I've been depressed before for so many things that have happened in my life. I'm 19 and I respect my mother's choice..but I'm confused... I feel like she's being selfish..she's just 40 years old..she's still so young..so much more to live..I want her to hold my children..I want her at my wedding..I want so many more memories with her..but mostly I want her to be a mother to my baby brother who will suffer the most of all.. My baby brother is just two years old..and just thinking that he'll grow up with no parents..like all three of us my sister, brother and I have..breaks my heart..he doesn't deserve that.. Since my parents are separating I know my father couldn't take care of my brother..I've talked about it with my mother.. She's giving up her life..or am I being selfish for wanting her to get treatment..she doesn't even want to know what type of cancer it is or how long she has..she's getting weaker by the day..and looks it ..I don't know if I'm strong enough for this.. I want to convience her to try and live longer..at least for my brother..but she's says he'll be fine..that he's smart and that he loves me like a mother anyways..cause' he always follows me.. ...i'm all broken inside.. i'm not ready for this what should i do ..only my father, sister and i know..she's keeping it a secret from our friends and family..so i have no where to turn..
Cancer - 10 Answers
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1 :
Talk to her about it..and if that doesn't help...all you can do it be there for her..you can't make her do anything...:( And if she still doesn't want treatment...try to be there for her...then go to a councler..never try to go thru this alone...it can only make it worse!!!!
2 :
I'm so sorry for your situation. That is so difficult, and the emotions you are feeling are totally normal. I don't understand your mom's decision either, but maybe she feels like getting treatment isn't going to help anyway, and she may as well go gracefully without all her hair falling out. And it's fair that treatment doesn't always work. I have an aunt, a cousin, and my mom who all got various forms of treatment, yet all passed away from cancer. But I know just what you mean...I wish every day my mom could be here to hold my babies, and enjoy her grandchildren. I would love to have her advice and her insight and wisdom to look to. And it still makes me sad, 13 years later, that she isn't here to enjoy life with us. She was only 49 when she passed away. But having said all that, enjoy the time you have with your mom while you still have it. Do everything you can to help her and be there for her. You don't want to ever have to look back and beat yourself up because you feel like you should have done more for her.
3 :
Wow that brought me to tears. Sorry. I would respect her wish, but if it were my mom leaving behind all her kids and the youngest being two, I would beg on my knees for her to get treatment. Of course it's to late for that now since my mom already passed away last month and the family drama has yet to die down. But if I were you, I would respect her wish, maybe perhaps she's afraid that it might fail? Tell her everything you want her to do for the future. To hold her grandkids and be at your wedding. Tell her it's your wish. Maybe she'll listen. I don't really know. Cancer is a really terrible curse. I know that I'm not much help, but I hope you get though this and I hope your mom listens. My best wishes.
4 :
your mum may know more about her illness than she is letting on to you, if you say she is looking weaker each day then perhaps treatment wouldnt work for her, ... you need to talk to your doctor and ask him to refer you for some counselling regarding this, and try to persuade your mum to do the same..she may have just given up hope unesessecarily and a counsellor may be able to talk her into getting the treatment she needs before it is too late...when cancers are caught early they can be managed or even cured. be strong ... i really do hope everything turns out for the best for you.
5 :
My dad has cancer too. He just finished chemotherapy and radiation. He feels pain still but uses pain killers which seem to help him. I'm actualy surprised that he had the treatment because he hates getting help. I suggest you write a letter to Your mum sayin all your feelings as that seems to be the only way to get through to parents. I did this to my dad when he was scared for me to go on a student exchange. I think what your mum is doing is selfish, you and your brother shouldn't have to go without a mother. It really upsets me when i hear parents giving up there life and not thinking about it's affect on others. so just write the letter put as much in it as you can. hopefully it helps. :) good luck!
6 :
Not everyone wants to fight cancer. Not everyone wants to go through the misery of treatment. And then there's recurrence. She may be a late stage diagnosed cancer, it may be an aggressive cancer but I'm willing to bet she knows more than she's letting on. Is she being selfish? I don't know. You don't know why she's refusing to confront this so how can you know if she's being selfish? She's not handling this well at all. But I disagree with "she's says he'll be fine..that he's smart and that he loves me like a mother anyways". You're not your brother's mother and you deserve to be a teenager and then a young adult without the responsibilities of parenthood. This is unfair to you! She's being cruel. She owes you an explanation. Confront her. I once had a patient whose breast cancer recurred. She was separated from her husband but knowing she faced probable death, she arranged for a dear friend to adopt her son so that she'd be assured he would be safe & loved after she died -- which she did. What arrangements is your mother making to provide for her children? Wouldn't you all live with your father? And how do you both know your father couldn't take care of his own son? What does the separation have to do with it? He'd still be the boy's father and there are single fathers. Why would your brother have to grow up with no parents??? This I don't understand at all. Have you seen anything that states in black and white that she has cancer? She may want to keep this a secret but you don't have to. Your feelings matter and if you need to confide in some one, do so.
7 :
If she has known for weeks, is getting weaker and refusing treatment then she would know what sort of cancer she has. A treatment plan isn't formulated until they know what sort of cancer they are treating. You are correct, this is your mother's choice. Only she can decide on what treatment to undertake once she knows the risks and benefits. If she has made the decision to refuse treatment, then rather than trying to force her to change her mind it is time to help her get her affairs in order. She needs to make sure her will is current, make provision for guardianship of your brother and sister, discuss what funeral arrangements she would like etc. If your father is unwilling to assist with all this, then perhaps your boyfriend/fiancee can help.
8 :
How sad that she is throwing her life away at the young age of 40. My father refused treatment for his Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Only after a fight with my mother, did he go through Chemo Treatments, Radiation, and Surgery. The result? He has now survived 14 YEARS Without Cancer, and just turned 70 years old. Had he NOT got treatment, he would have Never walked me down the aisle. You are not being selfish. She is. Start telling your friends and family, someone needs to convince her, before it's too late.
9 :
no one is ever ready for situation like this if u love your mum why should u call her selfish? she might not want to go thrpugh the whole horrible procedure of chemo n stuff and probably knows more than u think. you should support her emotinally and make her willing for treatment through love and care not emotinal blackmail about being present at your wedding she's suffering more than she's showing. be there for her
10 :
You'd have to tell some people, anyone who can convince her to stay alive. I personally think she's being selfish if she's only concerned about her own life instead of those of her children's. I'm sorry about your mom, though. You can always shoot me an email if you need anything. VIVA LA RAZA!
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Title : Mom refusing cancer treatment..idk what to think or do
Description : Mom refusing cancer treatment..idk what to think or do? It's been a week since I found out my mother has cancer, she's know for w...