My wife is refusing cancer treatment?
My wife of 26 years was diagnosed with end-stage liver disease two months ago. She was an alcoholic for over 20 years and was recently released from rehab for prescription medication abuse. While doing routine imaging of her liver, the doctor noticed an abnormality on her pancreas as well. He referred us to another doctor who diagnosed my wife with advanced pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, despite repeated urging from myself and other family members, she outright refuses to consider any treatment options. When she was in her mid-twenties she developed two tumors in her throat; both removed by resection after they failed to respond to chemotherapy. Evidently, she was so traumatized by this experience that she vowed to never undergo chemotherapy again. This, combined with her liver problems and generally poor prognosis in people with pancreatic cancer, is fueling her choice to forgo treatment. Honestly, she seems resigned to death. My wife is all I have after our only daughter committed suicide early last year. I love her more than anything in the world and couldn't bear the thought of watching her die unnecessarily. How can I force her to undergo treatment? Can I legally have her declared mentally unfit to make her own decisions, or something? Thanks and God bless.
Marriage & Divorce - 15 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
If she is in the end stages of liver cancer, chemo and radiation aren't going to do much but by her a small amount of time anyways, which will be full of pain anyways,..she is probably not wanting to prolong her own suffering. Respect her wishes.
2 :
I am so sorry to hear this. Your wife has clearly decided that she wants to let nature take its course and there is little you can do. Chemo is a painful and sickening experience and she probably wants to live the rest of her days in comfort. I hope everything goes well for you both.
3 :
Bless you for caring so much for your wife.... but, I believe it is and should be her choice.
4 :
No. She won't be deemed unfit to make her own choices. It's her body. Ask her to start therapy with you NOW so you can start to work thru the grieving process, that might bring her around. So sorry and good luck to you. xoxoxoxo
5 :
Chemo is hard.....cancer is hard.....It is her decision. Regardless of whether or not you like her choice.
6 :
Treatment is unlikely to do anything but prolong your wife's life by a few months. She already knows what is involved in chemotherapy. You need to respect her wishes, why would you want to force her to stay alive and in suffering?
7 :
Look, get real. You are the one that needs to be declared mentally unfit to make decisions. Listen to yourself. "How can I FORCE her to undergo treatment?" There is nothing wrong with her mind, and it is her decision. .
8 :
This is her choice. You may think that she is being selfish but you need to understand the pain that she will endure going through chemo.
9 :
My wife was diagnosed with early stages of breast cancer in early 2010. She went through sugery and radiation treatment, because she decided to. The bottom line is you cannot force anyone to something they do not want to do. First, sit down with your wife and ask her how is she feeling about her cancer. Ask her what is on her mind and let her speak, then let her know you are there for her every step of the way. Discuss all possible treatments options (herbs etc), then let her decide what she wants to do. The main thing that you need to let her know you will walk with her through this next season of her life.
10 :
i am going to put it to you bluntly let her die with dignity and as pain free as possible she has made her mind up enjoy what time you have together yes you love her and she loves you however it is her choice - i am sorry to hear of this for you i am not being heartless i am a nurse have been nurse for many years please enjoy your time together make it the best keep her happy pain free please god bless you
11 :
Your wife is terminal. Chemo will only prolong her death. It's time to accept the ineveitable and support your wife while she makes the decisions about her own medical care that she is perfectly competent to make. Prolonging her life won't benefit her - you have to put YOUR wants aside.
12 :
Sadly, you cannot force your wife to undergo the treatment. If it is her time to pass, you cannot prevent that. If you declare her mentally unfit, that stays with her forever and if her cancer goes away, she will be mentally unstable for anything. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't force her to do anything because she is an individual. Yes, it's unfair because she will leave you in pain. However, you're not going through physical pain that she is. If my husband had this problem and he refused, I would support him because it would make him happy. He would want me to be strong. Yeah, I'd try to convince him, but I'd never take away his own freedom of making a choice for himself. If this is what she wants, this is what she wants. The treatments do not always work, remember that. Would you want to send her through treatment that causes her misery and she ends up passing or let her go a little bit more peacefully than that? See what the doctor says about her chance of surviving the cancer. If it is slim, do not make your wife suffer through the treatment.
13 :
I'm thinking she may have a death wish and is suffering from depression. These cases are always hard because of the traumas involved. If she wants to live, she'll find a place to get help. If she doesn't no treatment is really going to work. There are many options out there now. You might want to look at Dr. Amen's work with brain scans and address that problem first.
14 :
End stage cancer is untreatable. She has made the right choice. I know it's hard for you to bear. Both my Parents passed away from Cancer. Chemo might likely give her a month or two more. I can only imagine the effects from therapy. Let her live out the last days in peace. Seriously, how the heck do you think her mentality is at this point? I really doubt she wants to leave you so soon. It's not in her hands. She is far from being declared "mentally unfit". My friend, this is the reality of life.
15 :
You are thinking of yourself here and you need to put your wife first and accept the fact that she is terminally ill and will not get better. All any treatment will do is prolong her life (maybe) for a few months and those months would be very miserable for her. She has decided she does not want to use the time left being extra sick with treatments that will do nothing much at best. You are in denial because you love her and won't accept her illness as being terminal. She certainly can make her own decisions on this choice and no court in the world will consider her mentally incompetent for making that choice. Most people would agree with her including myself if I were in her shoes. My heart really goes out to you, but you need a different kind of help right now other than trying to find ways to make her get treatment that will never cure her. Look into getting hospice involved who can help both of you accept this. Don't fight her. Support her decision and make the best of the time you have left together.
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