What should I do? My fiance wants to stop her cancer treatment!?
My fiance has lymphoma. We have been told that it is not curable and any treatment will not make the cancer go away. She is always in incredible pain as the swollen nodes press on her nerves and has been taking high doses of morphine. Last month her oncologist decided to start chemotherapy and radiotherapy to help shrink the nodes to manage the pain. It was working well until last week. She became immuno-suppressed and got a severe infection, had to spend a week in hospital. Before all this started she has always been so healthy. She hated being in hospital and now says that if the treatment isn't going to cure her then she would rather put up with the pain and continue to live a near normal life. I want her to continue treatment, Im still hoping it may make her better. I love her like crazy and just don't know what to do now! Any advise? Thanks
Cancer - 12 Answers
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1 :
I know you love her and want to cure her but that isn't going to happen unfortunately. You are going to have to let her make her own decisions about this no matter if you disagree or if it makes you sad. This is HER time. She knows she is going to die and she deserves to die in her own way. If she hates hospital then why do you want to make her last days miserable. I know you are grasping at straws and want to try anything to make her better but you have to love her enough to let her do this her own way. Just love and support her and hold her hand through the pain and thank the Creator every day for every second you can have with her. Be thankful for the time you have...don't waste any of it arguing over her treatment or lack of it. Laugh, cry, make memories with each other and be brave because your fiance is very brave. May her death be an easy one and may you never forget her.
2 :
When someone you love gets a terminal illness its really hard and theres just nothing you can do something. I have thyroid cancer and sometimes I feel I should just stop the treatments and live as much as a normal life as I can for as long as I can. I love my girlfriend more than anything, and the though of leaving her behind breaks my heart up everyday to the point I can't even go into work. I know where shes coming from all too well; being stuck in hospital all the time is a living hell. You should respect her final choice and most of all enjoy as much time with her as you can. Make as many happy memories as you can and never give up hope that they can get it under control and put her on remission. Stay strong and live it one day at a time theres no telling what can happen.
3 :
I am going to sound harsh, so prepare yourself. This is HER life, HER body and HER death. NOT yours. If SHE wants to stop treatment she has EVERY right to do so and you have NO moral right to fight HER decision. She is TERMINAL. That means that she is NOT going to get better no matter what treatment they give her. Have YOU ever been through this treatment? I am gonna guess NO. I understand that you love her and you dont want to give up, but even if she continues this treatment, it is NOT going to change that she IS going to die. I understand that you are going through a lot, but you get to continue living your life after this is over. You will be sad, you will mourn, you will go to her funeral and you wont have a clue how you will go on, but you WILL go on. She WONT. I understand you want to cling to hope, but she IS terminal. That chances that she would survive are as likely as me showing up on your front door step 5 seconds after submitting this post. Do you really want to force the person you love to live the rest of her life going through a treatment that she doesnt want? How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Bottom line, her body her life her choice. As her fiance, it is your job to respect that choice, which ever it may be, and be there for moral support. Nothing more, nothing less. I encourage you both to get involved in a support group and/or see a mental health professional that can help the both of you make it through this trying time. It WILL help.
4 :
A diagnosis of cancer today need not be a death sentence. The 1st course of chemotherapy and radiotherapy effectively shrink the nodes. Such massive treatment does caused side-effects but complete remission can be achieve in 60 to 80% and be considered cured. If the disease is allowed to progress untreated, other organs such as lungs, spleen, liver and bone marrow, may be affected. Your fiance's feelings is understandable. Anyway, its her decision to go on fighting or not. Her life is now in her own hands.
5 :
You know what I would do. I would let her stop her treatment. I would encourage her to take a break somewhere pleasant for a while, to fast, to get a dietician to make sure she is eating correctly, to avoid talking cancer all the time, to lighten up , to see she get plenty of fresh air and gentle exercise and let her make her own health care decisions. And anyhow, who said lymphoma is incurable. Miracles happen, and if one person has been healed, then it's not incurable.
6 :
Never Loss Hope.There is always hope until god decide.So do everything for your love.Maybe she cannot stand to take drug anymore then why not try alternative treatment.Without drug.Not everything depends on drug.Try Natural way.Read here http://offto.net/youcanbeatcancer Yours to Decide.There is always hope.
7 :
My heart breaks for your pain. My husband was diagnosed on November 6, 2008 with stage 4 advanced cancer of lungs and lymph nodes. It quickly spread to his lumbar and brain. He died on January 9th, in my arms in a hospital bed here in our home. He tried chemo, took 3 treatments, but it only made things worse. He didn't want to give up hope, but had he not taken the treatments, his quality of life may have been much much better. Hospice workers are trained professionals to help both of you through this time. They have a booklet entitled "Crossing The Creek" which you need to read as soon as possible. The nurses are Godsends, and I plead with you to call them immediately to get them involved. My hubby was only 49, and as much as I didn't want him to leave, and still miss him terribly, with the help of hospice, I know in my heart I was able to send him off on his new journey with all the love a person can give another. I know how hard this is from your standpoint, but once you accept her condition, you will find the strength through your undying love for her to make her passing the best it can be. Believe me, I gain so much comfort through my grief knowing I could do that for my husband.
8 :
I'm so sorry the two of you are going through this. But this is her life and her decision to make. If the cancer is not curable, then she is going to die, no matter what treatments she has. If she chooses to leave the hospital and live as normally as possible, then you need to support her in that decision. Just love her with all your heart and make your time together as sweet as possible.
9 :
As hard as it may be you should respect her wishes i know how hard it is watching a loved one die, I lost my mom about four years ago to a lung disease she was only 46. you will be in my thoughts and prayers,when the lord wants her he will take her. pray to him for guidence during this difficult time when my mom passed away i read a book that helped me alot it's called "on death and dying" by elizabeth koubler ross. it helped me alot. god bless.
10 :
I am so sorry for all this. If she has decided that she wants no further treatment then unfortunately that is her decision. That said I think it is time to get Hospice involved.(if she is agreeable) Most people view Hospice as the end but it is not. Hospice is not there to cure but rather to keep the patient comfortable. They will be able to manage her pain correctly and they will all help all parties involved to get through this. The main thing now is quality of life not quantity and you have to spend each day as though it were her last and just be there to SUPPORT and LOVE her. When cancer takes the ones that we love it brings us down too. God Bless! I will say a prayer for her. Remember memories last forever so make the last ones worthwhile.
11 :
Jay Im so sorry you are going through this. Im sure deep down inside you know what the right thing to do is. You're just scared to see it become reality and that it completely understandable given the situation. Nobody wants to see the one they love leave them but you need to support her decision - no matter how hard it is for you. Cherish every last moment you both have together - don't spend these precious moments trying to fight her decision. I think she is so brave to have made that decision - it takes a strong person to do something like this. No doubt she is aware of the affect this is having on you aswell - show her that you are 100% behind her. For a short while you are going to have to put on a brave face and hide from her your real fears. Cherish all these precious moment you have together. Take her away from everything that reminds her of the cancer. Go visit all those places you have wanted to while she still can - or if she cant then you bring those places to her. She'll love you for doing that. Wish you both all the best on this very rocky journey ahead of you
12 :
I have posted this in response to others, since I know from personal experience that it works. Please note this method is validated by NIH and I am giving those links in the sources. Look for "Budwig Protocol" (the support group whose link I am giving below has all the information you will need to get you started on this), used successfully in about 90% of cases, used for over 50 years by this doctor. And it is followed by a lot of people all over the world, and you have a very supportive and knowledgeable group who can help you at every step. The implementation of this protocol is very simple: Flaxseed and Flaxoil inhibits, stops and reverses growth and metastatis of cancer; plus you need to get off bad diets and move to simpler and cleaner food. Since there is so much opposition to any non-conformative methods, I am giving links to research by NIH, the most premier medical research institute in the world (www.nih.gov). Terminally ill people with Stage 4 terminal who were given weeks to live have gotten themselves completely cured using this method. You will see results in 1-2 weeks and very good improvements in a month or two months time (it is equally easy to prevent cancer by following a minimal part of this protocol). Also, I found pain reduced and stopped within 3-4 days (from 6 tablets a day to nothi8ng in 3 days). You can also go to NIH site, and search for '"flax oil" cancer' and find more references. Please check the references I am giving below. One testimonial that you can find if you join this group, I am inlining it for you (there are MANY more of real people who are still on that list): **************************************************************** From Jodee - July 13, 2007 Bone Cancer - 3 or 4 months ago I wrote the group and told everyone about my daughter Annette. She has Hodgkins Lymphoma that has went into 60% of her bones. ALSO on all kinds of pain meds,etc.She has had 9 different chemos and radiation, this slowed her cancer down but never went into remission completely, also she was very sick.could not function on her own and I can't begin to tell you how much blood and platellets she has recieved over these 4 years. The doctors here and at MD Anderson( in Houston) just wanted to keep giving her sifferent chemos in order to prolong her life. All her marrow has been destroyed and we could not find a stem cell donor for her. This is why I turned to the internet for help. This Nov. will be 4 years we have been fighting this horrible cancer. I was so desperate when I found and joined this group. For a long time I just read all the post and learned a lot from the faithful folks who know so much about the diet. I did post and got a few answers. Thank all of you .I ordered all the books and studied them the best I could. Thank you Catherine for your help ,also. The last chemo she had was 5 days before Mothers day this year.In fact Mothers day was the 5th day following the chemo.That day she had to be taken to the hospital and was put in MICU in critial condition. She was in ICU 8 days with a 50/50 chance to pull out.Total she was there,hospital, 14 days. She weighed 124 lbs.Blood was horrible,Platellets less than 7000, WBC .3 RBC,1.1 ,as an example.When I brought her home she was still almost dead. To make a very much longer story short.I started on her on the FO/CC at 8 tbls cc and 4 fo 3 times a day,as many fresh veggies as she could tolerate,frest carrot juice at times,no MEAT at all. We use ony coconut oil,the oleox,the cc mayo,and lots of ACV,Braggs, I was limited to what she could take because of her throwing up all the time. Anyways within about 4 days she started getting her strenght back. Also I started her on mega doses of MSM pain,giving her borax baths,to pull toxins out of her system and pinches of borax in her water to kill the yeast,fungus, in her body,which was horrible..and A few other things. All gone NOW. I am happy to report she is up now. She no longer walks with a cane or walker.She iso Out working me on some days,Has a life again, driving. No, the cancer is not gone,but at a stand still, and she still has tired days and has to rest a lot,but our doctors said to keep up whatever we are doing. She is taking no pain pills,or any others.This is a miricle. It is so good after 4 years to have my daughter back. I know at anytime it all can change but it is so nice to see her having a life again.We DO NOT follow the protocol to the Tee but I can tell you it works. I thank all of you ,and Jesus,for everything you have taught us here and for being here for me, when I didn't have anywhere or anyone to turn to and give me hope. I get my FO and seeds from Barleans,half price,TY again for that info,.You know who you are.GOD BLESS THIS group. I adore all of you. ****************************************************************
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